As a mother of a child with food allergies, the pressure to create a safe environment can feel overwhelming. Add in the complexity of social situations and the constant worry about allergens, and it’s easy to see how these factors can weigh heavily on our hearts and minds. Reflecting on the past year, I’ve realized that I feel most at peace and empowered when my actions and decisions align with my core values.

With that in mind, I’ve decided to approach 2025 differently. In previous years, I’d set a New Year’s Resolution with the best intentions, only to feel defeated when I inevitably fell short of my goal. This year, I’m choosing to let go of the pressure to “achieve” and instead focus on living by my core values. By grounding my choices in what truly matters to me, I hope to cultivate a sense of fulfillment and balance—one that supports both my family’s needs and my own well-being.

Core Values and Allergy Parenting

Studies have shown that value congruence (the alignment of personal values with behaviors) is associated with lower levels of anxiety, depression, and stress. Conversely, research shows mothers of food-allergic children under age five experience significantly higher blood-pressure measurements and report much greater levels of psychosocial stress than mothers whose children do not have food allergies. This contrast underscores the profound impact that both external stressors and personal value alignment can have on mental and physical health. Furthermore, highlighting the importance of nurturing both personal well-being and the well-being of our children.

In addition to improving well-being and happiness, it’s vitally important to model living our values for our children. By consistently living in accordance with our core values, we teach our children how to act in alignment with those same values. When we demonstrate values like kindness, honesty, empathy, and integrity in our daily lives, we offer them a roadmap for how to navigate the world with a strong moral compass. This modeling helps them internalize these values and apply them in their own lives, ultimately influencing how they build relationships, make choices, and handle challenges as they grow.

Allergy Parenting and Core Values in Action

For many allergy parents, inclusion is a fundamental core value that guides our efforts in advocating for our children, especially at school. A pain point for me at the start of the 2024-2025 school year was last minute communication regarding classroom celebrations, which often include food. For a child with food allergies to safely participate, communication and pre-planning are essential. While I’m typically willing to rush to the store at a moment’s notice to ensure my son can join in the fun, I began to feel increasingly frustrated by the day of notice.

The unexpected grocery store runs were starting to feel unrealistic and stressful. I realized that there would eventually come a time when the ball would be dropped, and my son would be left out. This growing frustration made me realize the importance of clear, proactive communication to allow me to plan ahead, ensuring that inclusion didn’t come at the cost of my own well-being.

I sat with an uneasy feeling for a while and then decided it was time– I needed to message my son’s classroom parent group chat. To remedy the situation, I leaned into my core values and communicated with honesty. I explained that our son had peanut and tree nut allergies that prevented him from eating the regular grocery store cupcakes because they posed a risk for cross contamination. In addition, I shared brands that we were comfortable with and asked that they kindly give us a heads up at least a day prior to bringing in treats for the class. The response was overwhelmingly positive and I felt an immediate sense of relief. 

My Core Values in 2025

While there are many values I hold close to my heart, this year I am choosing to highlight two: Connection and Kindness. These core values play an important role in how I show up as a mom and how I navigate our journey with food allergies. 

When my son was born, finding a community of other first time moms was my life line. The ability to connect with a group of women who were also experiencing matrescence vastly improved my quality of life during a time when I felt isolated and unsure of myself. Similarly, when my son was first diagnosed with food allergies I had recurrent feelings of anxiety and isolation. Recently, though, I’ve found how reassuring and comforting it is to connect with other allergy parents. Simply knowing that others truly understand the unique challenges we face has been an incredible source of support. As I look ahead to 2025, I want to prioritize continuing to engage with and learn from the allergy community.

Across many studies, kindness is linked to greater well-being. To manage the stress of allergy parenting, I want to be kinder to my body and mind. This means practicing positive self-talk and being less critical of my shortcomings, especially as a mom. Most importantly, I want to model self-compassion and self-care for my children. I want them to see that it’s okay to make mistakes, take breaks, and prioritize their well-being. By doing this, I hope to teach them resilience and balance, showing them that caring for themselves is just as important as caring for others. This mindset shift will help me navigate allergy parenting with more grace and model kindness for my children.

Defining Your Core Values

If you’re wanting to lean into your core values in the new year, but are not sure where to start, here are a few helpful steps to guide you:

1. First, listen to this Ted Talk- Core Values – Your Inner Compass | Larisa Halilović | TEDxFerhadija 

2. Next, try taking an online core values assessment like this one- https://personalvalu.es/personal-values-test ,or this one- https://www.susandavid.com/resource/how-to-identify-your-values/

3. Once you’ve narrowed down the value or values you want to prioritize for the year, brainstorm what that would look like in practice. 

4. Write it down: On a sticky note, in a note on your phone, or your monthly calendar. You’ll want to write your values down somewhere you can be reminded and revisit frequently. 

5. Every so often revisit your values and and assess how they are being reflected in your actions and decision making.

The Year Ahead

As we step into the new year, I wish for each of us the strength to stay grounded in our values, the grace to embrace life’s challenges, and the peace that comes from prioritizing our well-being and our loved ones. May this year be filled with moments of joy, connection, and growth, both as parents and as individuals. Here’s to a year of living with purpose, resilience, and kindness to ourselves and others. Happy New Year!